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Questions & Answers - Behavior Concerns
I have a 4 yr old little girl and she throws violent uncontrollable
temper tantrums. I've taken her to her PCP and she says every kid does
it. It will start over anything even the smallest thing. She lost her
red color, she doesn't want to wear that, she wants to eat something
else, her TV show ended. Anyway, these tantrums last at least 2 hours
and usually only end by her passing out. When they start the screams,
whines, she won't talk at all, she bites, she kicks, she scratches, she
throws things.
Basically she will do anything possible to hurt you , herself,
and everything and everyone around her. Nothing I say or do can ever
calm her down and I'm scared for her to hurt herself or anyone else so I
basically have to hold her down to protect everyone. Help me I don't
know what to do anymore. Where do I go and what do I do. I love my
daughter and apparently she needs some kind of help.
Your daughter's frequency and severity of tantrums at age 4 are very
concerning. Is your PCP a pediatrician or a developmental pediatrician?
If not, I would definitely seek a second opinion with a doctor who is
more familiar with preschool aged children and their behavior. While it
is true that most children do have tantrums and children as old as 4 & 5
will still have them, the fact that your daughter is engaging in self
injurious behavior, as well as trying to hurt others, coupled with the
fact that she cannot calm herself and passes out often after 2 hours of
screaming makes her case atypical. If you can't get a second opinion
from a developmental pediatrician in your area, then I would find a
local child psychologist/psychiatrist who would evaluate your daughter.
You can also seek an Early Intervention Evaluation (3-5 preschool
services) for behavior through your local school district.
To help you in getting help for your daughter I would suggest
starting to keep a log of her tantrums that includes when they occur
(date & time of day), what triggered the tantrum, what she does during
the tantrum (scream, hit, bite, etc), how long they last, and what
happens directly afterwards. Also, do these tantrums occur only at home
or do they also occur in other environments and with other caregivers
besides yourself? Keeping strict documentation of your child's behaviors
will often make a doctor take a closer look. Also, has she been having
these tantrums since she was a toddler or did they start or increase in
intensity just recently? Pay attention to any changes in your or her
life that can increase tantrums (i.e., did you recently move, did she
recently start school, did you recently get a divorce or new partner,
did you recently have a baby).
Typical tantrums in children ages 18 months to age 5 last around 3
minutes, and tantrums lasting longer than 5 minutes, while they may
occur sometimes, would not typically occur on a regular basis. Younger
children tend to lash out more physically because they don't have the
words to express anger or frustration yet, however, by age 4, most
children can express anger with words and can also self-calm when upset,
something that it sounds like your daughter is having difficulty doing.
I don't want to alarm you, nor can I make a diagnosis, but violent
tantrums in ages 3-5 can be associated with mood disorders such as
depression or other disruptive disorders of early childhood. I would
definitely seek a second opinion and/or schedule an evaluation with a
child psychologist as soon as possible to get you and your daughter the
help you need.
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Questions & Answers - Behavior Concerns
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