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Questions & Answers - Other Concerns
I am wondering what resources/literature are available for
children of childcare providers. I have a 5-year old and an 19-month
old and I am an in-home daycare provider. I am wondering how I can
help my children cope with having other children in our home. I
initially opened the daycare to be with my own children but worry
that I am causing them discomfort because they are sharing their
home with other children. My 19-month old, in particular, seems to
be having a difficult time. She was biting, but is now hitting a
lot. What can I do to help her cope better?
Thanks for your question. I am not familiar with books
specifically related to home child care that are aimed at young
children, although there are many titles about the regular day care
experience such as:
Adam's Daycare by Julie Overnell-Carter. Annick Press,
1997
Going to Daycare by Fred Rogers. Putnam, 1985.
Going to my Nursery School by Susan Kuklin. Bradbury, 1990.
Jesse's Daycare by Amy Valens. Houghton Mifflin, 1990.
My Day Care Book by Jeffery Brand and Nancy Gladstone.
Gryphon House, 1985.
We Play by Phyllis Hoffman. Harper & Row, 1990.
I realize this is not quite what you are looking
for, as your issue is with your children
experiencing the transition of having new children
in their own home. It would certainly not be
unexpected to have your 19 month old act out (with
biting, hitting others, etc) as a way of demanding
your attention and her own way of protesting the
idea that your attention is not always focused on
her when other children are at the house. You won't
be able to reason with her or explain the situation
very effectively to her at that age, but I would
suggest ignoring as many attention getting behaviors
as possible (except biting or hurting behaviors
which must be dealt with right away) and trying to
lavish the praise on your daughter when she is doing
what is expected of her. Perhaps you can make her a
"Mommy's helper" during the day, giving her special
chores to do or letting her help with younger
children if there are any, so that she continues to
feel special and learns that you can interact with
the other children and still be her Mommy too.
We want her to learn that she is getting your attention for all
the positive things she is doing and not only for negative
behaviors, so pick your battles as they say. You can keep your
language simple, by saying things such as "Mommy is helping Tommy
with this picture right now and then I will help you next". You can
arrange some turn-taking games or projects that involve all the kids
and praise her for sharing and taking turns with the other children.
I would also suggest having toys and materials that you use ONLY for
day care, so that your children do not have to share their own
special toys and materials with the other children, which can also
be a source of contention at young ages. You may also want to make
your children's own bedrooms off limits to the other kids so your
children feel they have some privacy and continue to have places in
the house that remain "theirs" that they don't have to share.
You might also want to create a "quiet corner" using a small tent, or
tent made with blankets, pillows, etc. where your children or the other
children can go to regroup and get away from the other kids if they feel
overwhelmed or are acting act. That way if your daughter feels a need to
express her frustration (which she probably can't do verbally very well
yet) she can go there and feel free to hit and bite the pillows, but you
can teach her that it is not acceptable to do this to you or the other
children. You should be able to more effectively explain things verbally
to your 5 year old, however, make sure that each day once the other
children leave your home that you have some extra special time built in
for each of your own children separately, whether it's pushing them on
the swing, reading a book, making a craft, etc. It may also help to make
a chart using pictures and words for the schedule of the day, so that
you can also point out to them what is happening next during the day and
they can see that at 5pm the other children leave and then your special
one on one time starts. You can also implement a simple reward system,
using a chart and if they earn 5 stars or whatever you decide for good
behaviors by the end of the week they get something special. You can
read more tips on
behavior and positive reinforcement.
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