Therapist
Questions & Answers - Special Needs & Medical Diagnoses
My daughter is 4 yrs old and was diagnosed at birth with PVL and a
Stage 3 Brain Bleed. She was born at 29weeks. She does say words but
doesn't say sentences and she is in special services programs through
Rise. She's really smart. My problem is that she is really fussy and
throws fits everyday especially with her dad when he leaves for work. A
day doesn't go by that she's not throwing fits every evening, but around
other people she is a different person. It's very hard to please her at
home unless we have company. We know she is very tired and has a long
day. We just need advice on how to get her out of these fussy and crying
episodes.
Since you describe your daughter as only having these fussy
periods at home and particularly with her father when he goes to
work, yet being fine around others, it sounds as if her episodes are
behavioral and have perhaps become a learned pattern for her over
time. Also, her lack of expressive language makes it difficult for
her to express that she is sad or upset when Dad leaves for work.
Like all kids, I am sure she would rather that he stay home with her
and her acting out may just be her only way to show you this right
now. First I would have you examine what your and your husband's
typical reaction is to her crying/fussing? Does she get a lot of
extra attention when she cries, does she get held, does Dad delay
leaving for work when she fusses?
If so, you could be unknowingly rewarding her for this behavior
and thus making it continue or even increase. I would treat this the
same as you would separation anxiety in a toddler, which is give
advance warning of transitions "Daddy will be leaving for work soon,
but he will be back". Have Dad make a routine of doing the same
thing every day, such as paying extra attention to her before he
leaves, maybe giving her a "transitional object" of Dad's like his
hat (or anything that reminds her of Dad), but when it is time to
leave, say goodbye matter of factly and kiss her goodbye and tell
her when he will return.
I would suggest that you start preparing her for Dad's departure
well before Dad actually leaves for work each day. You can use a
method that best suits her cognitive and receptive language
abilities. For example, you could take photos with your camera of
things that happen during her day and make her a photo album book
which outlines her day including daily routines like Dad's departure
for work and also when he comes home again. Go over her book with
her several times per day, especially an hour or so before Dad
leaves to prepare her for this transition. Although it is not easy,
try to ignore her fussing and tantrums and try to distract her into
an activity or something novel once Dad leaves. Do not allow Dad to
prolong leaving when she fusses and both of you remain matter of
fact at his departure saying "Daddy will be back". When he does
return from work, this is when you should lavish the attention on
her with "See, Daddy ALWAYS comes back home to see you!" and make a
fuss over her then so she learns that she gets attention when Dad
returns, not when she fusses when he leaves.
You can make her a sticker chart or another reward system as well if
she can cognitively understand this and reward her for not fussing
when Dad leaves. This site has many
free printable
behavior charts.
For example, whenever she doesn't fuss she gets a sticker and if
she collects 3 stickers in a week she gets a special prize or treat
and then build up to getting a sticker daily. Also since she has
single words, but not sentences, work on teaching her "feeling
words" such as sad, angry, happy, and even make her picture cards
with faces to express her feelings when Dad leaves. Acknowledge her
feelings, and say "I know you are mad/sad/upset that Daddy went to
work, but Daddy will be back in the morning/after dinner, etc"
Encourage her to use words or use the picture cards to tell you how
she feels rather than crying, fussing. Since you mention that she is
in special services with RISE, I would also speak to her therapist
or teacher there since I am sure they know her well and ask for
other ideas which may benefit your family to help you at home. You
can also find many articles if you do a Google search for
"separation anxiety" in children. Also check your local library or
bookstore for children's books which address separation or feelings
that you can read to her.
Therapist
Questions & Answers - Special Needs & Medical Diagnoses
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